It's Udo here from Tunbridge Wells. I was wondering if you could settle a bet between me and my mate Claude. We're both founder members of the Odd Børre Appreciation Society, which meets up in the snug down the Ox and Anvil the first Tuesday of every month. I think you’d really enjoy it actually; we all sit around drinking Vimto and swapping intimate anecdotes about Norways legendary king of experimental prog rock, which is particularly impressive given the fact that none of us know him personally or have met him in any way, shape or form at any time in our entire lives, ever. We even wear bras as an homage to his profound, barrier-breaking call for pan-continental transvestism, as seen during his 1968 Eurovision entry "Stress". It's such a lark!
Anyroad, the conversation occasionally drifts beyond Børre-worship and into other, shall we say, less worthy Eurovision-related areas. Specifically, the snooze-fest that was Eurosong '89 in Lausanne and the litany of audio and televisual travesties therein. The 3-hour long attack on good taste and decency witnessed at the '89 event was, for our money, perfectly encapsulated by the shocking hair-styles worn by eventual winners Riva.
Which brings me to my question – my mate Claude reckons that the lead singer of the Yugoslavian entry had a sedated gopher welded to her bonce during the group's performance of "Rock Me", whereas I reckon that there was a clandestine bit of pre-contest "stress-relief" on the part of Irish entrant Kiev Connolly involving some unusual advise from a comically inept best friend, an empty dressing room and a Swiss jazz mag. The reslut of which was an errant strand of, shall we say, "substance" and an hillarious misunderstanding when Emilija from out of Riva ran into Kiev backstage and mistook said "substance" for a handy bit of hair gel à la that scene from the film "There's Something About Mary". I think it's fairly obvious what happened next.
So, which one of us is right? If you could clear up this little mystery, that would be smashing cos there's a whole packet of Cadbury's White Chocolate Buttons riding on this. We'll even invite you round to our next meeting if you're free. Just make sure you don't tell your mum first, cos if she's anything like ours she'll try to have all the locks changed while you're out of the house!
