BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA - The whole premise of this song seems to be “In three minutes time the horror will end and you can stop grinding your teeth and breathe a sigh of relief that it’s over.” That just about sums it up.

BULGARIA - This is the sort of song that brings those three little magic words, “Dear”, “God” and “No!” A song so ludicrous it falls into the description of ‘catastrophe’. Don’t even look on this one as a challenge!

CYPRUS - When you listen to this song, you’ll soon find yourself thinking for as many synonyms for the word ‘excruciating’ as you can. This is one of those songs that 15 seconds in, you are anxiously awaiting the end. The girl just cannot sing. I know that this doesn’t automatically mean it will fail, but it deserves to.

CROATIA - Boring Balkan ballad. Dull is too kind a word. Croatia has really disappointed me over the past few years and this won’t raise any of my hopes for future enjoyment.

CZECH REP - They really haven’t got a clue have they? The best thing about this song is the closing note when you can breathe a sigh of relief that the torture is over. The whole thing is utterly absurd.

DENMARK - A song so numbingly dreadful that I must seriously question whether I was mistaken to have ever found Denmark’s songs any good in the past. What could be worse than a faux-Irish sounding mega dreary ballad written by an Irishman, or a genuine stupefyingly dull effort from a real Irishman? There’s only one way to find out….

All of these are rubbish and to be honest I am surprised the European Court of Human Rights hasn't had a word about the Czech offering. Seems very politically incorrect to me. Only the Danish one is any good here and the poor guy, bless him, can't sing.